(LinkedIn) Anyone else out there struggle sometimes with "Imposter Syndrome?"
To be transparent, this is something I have silently struggled with since I was about 8 or 9 years old. I was a "gifted-straight-A student" all throughout primary school, but internally, I never felt like I was "good enough." Here's an example for you:
When I was in Grade-5, we had an assignment where we had to stand in front of the class, and read a 1-page book report out loud. Don't ask me how this happened, but in my mind I had convinced myself that reading from the paper was not good enough. I proceeded to hyper-fixate, and put an immense amount of unnecessary stress, and pressure on my myself for 3-days before the assignment was due, in order to MEMORIZE the book report, with the goal of speaking in front of the class without any notes. I remember this experience like it was yesterday, and despite memorizing the report perfectly, I happened to fumble with my words a couple of times when I was speaking. It is HIGHLY unlikely that my peers or teacher even noticed because they were in sheer awe of my (unnecessary but) impressive memorization skills.
You wanna know something? It's been about 30-years since I memorized that book report, and while I couldn't possibly tell you what the title of the book was, I still haven't forgiven myself for my "perceived failure" word fumble.
It can be a miserable existence, living your entire life beating yourself up over things that the average person sees as insignificant or trivial. I think people look at me and assume that I am this highly confident, extroverted, "force to be reckoned with” because I present outwardly as charismatic, gregarious, and at times sickeningly optimistic. Let this be a reminder to you… you never really know the internal demons that a person faces. My mind will get stuck on an infinite loop of self-doubt narrative. I am constantly over-thinking every conversation that I "over-shared" in (I do this a lot), and every socially awkward encounter I contributed to that week because I struggled to make "the right amount of eye contact." (Did you know that there's a right amount? I will force myself to count to five before breaking eye-contact just so I know I've given "enough"). I often question my value as a professional, and whether I'm even qualified to be teaching, motivating and inspiring hundreds of students every week. I question why people care to listen to what I have to say because most of the time I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, or if I'm even making sense because in my scattered brain, I'm not.
While my struggles may look different from yours, I wanted to remind you that even the most "seemingly capable" of professionals struggle. If you are "book report level struggling" this week, or this year, promise me that you will be kinder to yourself, and treat yourself the way that Grade-5 Shannon should have been treated 💕 🌸
